Mothers Day

Mothers Day is one of the hardest days of the year for me. For multiple reasons, but mostly because it feels like a slap in the face. Growing up my life goals all included being a mom. There was no backup plan, that was the only thing I could imagine myself doing. At 29 I find myself with no children or any hint of them in the future. My Ex-Husband and I suffered multiple miscarriages as well as dealing with infertility which was a strain on our already damaged marriage. I am haunted by those years and that emptiness in my life every time Mothers Day comes around. This year I worked late and came home very upset. All day long I saw mothers with their babies and not only felt that sadness but was also missing my mom. I came home to find Murphy is high spirits waiting very impatiently for me to hold and kiss him. I got Murphy to help fill a void in my life and give me a reason to come home at night. He might not be the baby I expected, but I don't doubt for a second that he was heaven sent. Happy Mothers day to all mothers out there. To  those with children in their arms, and those who are especially feeling the emptiness of theirs.

#MothersDay

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me! I am 29 now. Which is terrible but what can you do right? My friend got me the best birthday gift! a years supply worth of starburst jelly beans. I am one happy 29 year old!

Quidditch

Texas A&M has a quidditch team. Actually it has two! Murphy and I went to a game. I am a huge potter head. I do not know why I am not on this team! It is now my life goal to be on this team. Just thought I would let you know.

Whats up with your face dude?

So during Finals in December my face swelled up like an allergic reaction. I went to the doctor and got a steroid shot and it kind of went away for a few days, but by the time I got to my parent's house for Winter Break IT had come back. I figured it was allergies but at this point I had no idea. I couldn't go to a doctor back home because my insurance doesn't work there anymore. So the day I got back to Texas I went to my doctor and got another steroid shot, which didn't work, and was sent to an immunologist. and the crazy journey in diagnosing me really got moving.

This was my face for weeks. It hurt so bad and I had migraines all the time from the pressure on my skull and eyeballs. I was miserable. I had to work like this, and go to school like this.

Part of the diagnosing process included over 90 shots in both my arms, multiple days of blood draws and lots of doctors visits that lasted hours.

I couldn't sleep because no matter what I did I was just in so much pain. They put me on a serious dose of daily steroids and after a few weeks of tests they finally concluded I have an autoimmune disease called Sjorens Syndrome. IT has been causing all sorts of problems with me that I have always just assumed was just life. They put me on a immune suppressant and my world has seriously changed since. I am still having to get tests run every 6 weeks, and only got off the steroids last week (that they put me on in January) and my eyes no longer produce tears on their own and I show new symptoms we have to tackle every few weeks, but I haven't had a migraine since I Started my meds, I no longer have allergies and my face doesn't look like the elephant man anymore. I don't feel as good as I did after I got my thyroid removed, but I don't think I will ever feel that good again unfortunately.

I am up to five new medicines added to my daily routine, I have alarms on my phone to remind me to take them since some of them cant be taken at the same time as other, some have to be taken with food, some without. Mostly it is a mess and all of them mess with my stomach. When I get really down though I think of Heather, my nanny form when I was little. She had Cystic Fibrosis and had to manage so many medications and breathing treatments it sometimes scared me but she always had a smile on her face. She passed away two years ago but I remember her every time my alarm goes off.

#SjorensSyndrome
#SucksBigtime
#AddItToTheList
#CFSucksToo
   

Thanksgiving

Okay Thanksgiving break could not have come soon enough! I had to drop my biology class. Turns out I hate biology, and if I have to learn about protists for one more second I was going to loose my mind! So now I am a history major. We will see how that turns out... Anyway... Thanksgiving break! One while week off! My brother B and I decided to do thanksgiving together. And because we are two Mature Grown Adults we settled on our very polished menu of... Pie, with icecream. IT was a fantastic day. Dress code was causal, we ate on the floor.

Christmas Vacation

Just three weeks after Thanksgiving break it was the end of the semester and Christmas break! My break lasted for over a month which I feel like is too much time. But because I got so much time off My brother B and I got to take a road trip back home. It is just over 1400 miles from my apartment to my parents house. It took us two days of driving together there and we got there right in between two storms. Murphy did pretty good on the trip and didn't throw up in my brothers car once! Which is a big deal because he always throws a fit and pukes in the car. He hates his car seat.

We finally made it and the storm hit. Hard. But I miss the snow and cold every single day so I was in estatic. I got to see and spend time with my horse Reba who I miss very much. She misses me too. I can tell. 

Christmas day came and my Brother S came down with his family and we got to do the whole presents thing. They are so stinkin adorable. I miss spending time with them! being far way is the worst!

Brother B had to get back to work so we had to go back after only a few days there. I was so sad. I miss home a lot and did not want to come back to Texas. 

 #HomeForChristmas #HomeSick #HappyChristmas
#RoadTripsSuck

Halloween

I have not posted in forever, which unfortunately is my pattern but I finally have a couple of hours so I am going to sit here and get caught up!

Who doesn't love Halloween! Probably a lot of people actually... But I love it! I love coming up with a new and crate idea for dressing up. The company I used to work for went all out for Halloween so it was always a lot of fun. Anyway this year I felt like going easy, and what was the easiest thing I could think of? Wednesday Adams! I had the tights, the dress and shoes. All i needed was a wig! I put almost no thought into this costume. So little thought in fact that I didn't notice that the Halloween party and my food handlers class was the same day, and almost right on top of each other. So who went to the class in full Wednesday Adams makeup? This girl. Walked right through campus and sat in that meeting for two hours, looking insane. But again, I worked at that company for years I found myself  having to wear a tutu happened more times then i can explain... I am used to being embarrassed! The party was fine. I forgot how much I do not like large groups of strangers, and I was one of three Wednesday Adams! What the heck! I will not forget next year. I will not be going. Although I am thinking Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, I mean... I already have the hair...

#Halloween #WednesdayAdams